A man with neither family nor friend to turn to at the end of his tether with tired flesh on his bones and broken in spirit.
A 2004 University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” showed that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements for their amount of “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is really a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
Anger can be an immediate response and bitterness could be the path; These emotions call forth reactions rather than principled responses. Countless regrettable thoughts and actions occur in such moments. I once did a talk inside a bookstore and noted that this phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone but words won’t ever hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long afterwards brittle bones are already healed. There was a songwriter from the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As opposed to keeping this negativity, you can consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s notice it together. Picture yourself for the reason that heated moment when you’re flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Suppose you’re able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself maybe partner?
Do not forget that you don’t must be physically or perhaps verbally abusive to become violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially since they’re inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you are going to become withdrawn and demanding throughout an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and vice versa, and in no time you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, why not strike when the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool-down and funky off, and share your emotions and thoughts when you’re ready and they are able to clarity and compassion.
You won’t be sorry.
“Prejudice of any kind ensures that you might be identified using the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t understand the other man anymore, only your personal idea of that man. To reduce the aliveness of some other man to a concept is a form of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Imagine that you’re on a sailboat from the ocean, and navigating these waves could be the course of life. No matter how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off target sometimes. The most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes a good thing you can do-or the thing you can do-is to simply ride out the storm. Let the feelings blow due to you and then pass. Ride out of the mental storm. It’s simply a cascade of chemicals, you know, depending on fear. These are merely waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s better to stay afloat once you relax the body as an alternative to once you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown in their drama either. Remain grounded with your mantras:
Storms always pass. There is no need to panic or fear.
Ride out the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now I want only observe it. Now Let me hang on and pull through.
Later, you’ve got the clarity of mind to sit down and analyze the storm, and to know what caused it. You can also get the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance have you notice?
What helped you pull through? How can you choose this transition easier down the road?
Use the storm just as one opportunity to gain new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. First and foremost, keep in mind that storms really are a part of life, however, you possess the chance to navigate your way through them. You may always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the way; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles can be an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Make positive changes to Story, Make positive changes to Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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